Saints Magic
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Friendship is magic? If you say so...I'll take a gun any day of the week- BANG! 3rd street Saints here to represent!
1. Chapter 1

Saints Magic

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

On a winding road, Princess Celestia basked in the final glow of her setting sun as her royal guard escorted her carriage.

Celestia was in a great mood! It had taken centuries...but now it feels like she's FINALLY found an apprentice who could reignite the elements of harmony and return her sister to her!

Twilight Sparkles not only possessed an unprecedented level of magic potential..her cutie mark was the symbol of the element of friendship!

Yes, she was sure that this day would be the start of something-

 **BANG!**

Pain, pain was all Celestia felt! Her body bleed from the several gaping holes that were now in her body. Her guards tried to protect her...but they too were torn to bits...

 _"How? Why didn't I sense any hostile magic heading my way?"_ Wondered Celestia as her world went dim...

She looked up and saw the moon rising, _"Sister...no...this can't be! I was so close to seeing you again!"_ She wept to herself...and then she saw her attacker.

"Y-you! Why are you doing this? I'm the only one who can bring back the sun! Without my leadership all of equestria will fall into anarchy! Think of your people! Your family! Your sister! What will Twilight say when she finds out about this!" She pleads.

A black earth pony named Boss Player just shrugged as he brought up a strange device and pressed it to her forehead. "Haven't thought that far ahead yet."

 **BANG!**

And so it came to pass...that the saints were born...an empire collapsed...and a little unicorns heart was broken...

...7 years later...

Deep in the everwood forest...a cloaked figure wandered unseen by all... The figure entered the long forgotten castle of the two sisters...but not before taking a look toward the moon.

 _"I'm running out of time! If I don't get the elements of harmony to work soon...Nightmare moon will return!"_ Thought disgraced royal Apprentice orphan Twilight...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Saints magic**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Ponyville wasn't like it once was. Where once was a quaint, little town...was now a den of scum and villainy...just like the rest of Equestria. After Celestia's death, the complete collapse of Equestria society, the perpetual night causing endless famine and winter...which then of course brought the Wendigo back...

It looked like Equestria was doomed until the Ulthor corporation created 'Sun-Sphere's' that not only gave the necessary warmth and light to keep life going but also drove the Wendigo away. And Equestria was saved...until the bill came in. Those who could afford to pay stayed safe, those who couldn't...well...let's just say the Wendigo are rarely kept hungry these days...

Ponies became so desperate, they were forced to sell their homes, their lands, their businesses, their very LIVES to local gangs and warlords to make ends meet. Ponyville was currently under the control of the small time Molinaris crime family.

And that is where our story begins...

...

A tiny, blue colt named Dipper Pines carries his groceries past all the boarded up, abandoned buildings, bordello's and crack houses-

"FIFTY BITS!? Yesterday it was FORTY!" Exclaimed Lyra Heartstring angrily at the merchant. The merchant just looked annoyed "New Ulthor Regulations, their charging for 'substance supply and demand ratio' insurance now...whatever the buck that means. Anyway, prices have gone up. So pay it or get lost!"

Lyra and the merchant were so busy arguing, neither saw Dipper swipe some food from Lyra's bag. As he trotted along he came across a bulletin board containing wanted posters for the infamous 'Saints Row gang', and their leader Boss Player Sparkle.

The colt glared at Boss poster, "Miserable piece of plot, you ruined Twilight's life, may you rot in Tarterus!" He trots away just as a certain Rainbow-mained Pegasus came by in garbage wagon. Garbage Collector Rainbow Dash sighs as he picks up the garbage can. The blue colt is barely away before she begins to sing-

Dash picks up an old recruitment poster for the Wonderbolts-

 **I used to have a bright future, a plan to be like my hero's and save the day**

 **-** Only for it to crumble to bits to reveal an old newspaper clipping, showing the entire corp being killed by Wendigo-

 **But now my hero's are all dead and now have a crummy job with even crummier pay**

Then an old biddy dumped trash from her balcony and onto Dash's head-

 **And now I live in misery!**

She spits on Players wanted poster-

 **And all because of those blasted Saints disrupting our harmony!**

Dipper after hearing this, detours to a certain bordello where young mares where selling their virtue for chump change...one cute pink-maned prostitute Pegasus in particular was who he was looking for. And sure enough-

 **I wanted nothing more to make animals happy and put a smile on their face**

"Hey, sweetheart! My Turn!" A stallion wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

 **But now I sell my body to perverts like a big disgrace**

She sings as they head to the 'private' room.

 **And now I live in misery!**

 **And all because of those blasted Saints disrupting our harmony!**

Satisfied colt once more detours to one of the many crackhouses, where a certain pink mare with a deflated mane helped her sister grind rocks to the fine powder their customers demanded...

 **I don't care much for smokinin' fruit and plowin' weeds ain't such a hoot**

She struggles with a one of the still's as it spilled acid...

 **No matter what I try, I cannot fix this busted crackpipe chute!**

She gives the drugs to a ragged colt that rips out his tooth to pay her-

 **I've got so many drugs to sell, it's no fun being me**

She and her sisters look at a photo of their old rock farm longingly-

 **And now we live in misery!**

 **And all because of those blasted Saints disrupting our harmony!**

Dipper- having memorized the pattern - walks by the Flim and Flam munition factory, where a depressed Orange pony is putting guns together in a assembly line...

 **Lookie here at these guns I made, but no apples to address  
**

 **I know this place don't look like much but i used to own it before my embezzlement distress**

 **Now my family lives on the street between working overtime to fix our debt of a mess.**

 **And now I live in misery!**

 **And all because of those blasted Saints disrupting our harmony!**

"Oy! Were paying you to work not sing! That counts as your break for today!"

Applejack sighed, "Yes Mr. Flim..."

"One more stop." Says the colt to himself as he passes by a certain broken down boutique-turned-sweatshop/laundromat was being run by a certain run down Marshmallow unicorn...

 **I once loved my fashion patterns but now they won't help my financial concerns**

 **Now I fix and wash filthy rags and cough over their cigar burns**

 **And now I live in misery!**

 **And all because of those blasted Saints disrupting our harmony!**

Satisfied, the colt jots down his findings and heads toward the castle of the two sisters and not surprisingly hears Twilight sing as well-

 **I used to be so happy**

 **My nation healthy and free**

 **Then my criminal of a brother ruined everything**

 **I now I have to hide in the Everfree even though his neck I want to wring**

 **I don't know why he did this, I thought he loved me.**

 **But apparently in his heart I was just a pesky flea...**

Dipper quickly activates the bugs he placed around Ponyville and sure enough...

 **And now I live-**

Sings Rainbow dash-

 **-In misery!**

-Completes Pinkie Pie

 ** **And all because of those blasted Saints disrupting our harmony!****

-Finished all six at once!

Dipper looks at this with a nod, "Right, that's the sixth time this week you've shared a musical number with those five other mares. It's becoming more and more likely you have some form of harmonic connection with them-

"Well, that's interesting Dipper. But we don't have time to research that Dipper. We need to focus on stopping nightmare Moon! If my calculations are correct, she'll be awaking soon! We need to get the harmonic runic apparatus up and running!" She gestures to a machine that contains five of the six elements of harmony still in stone form.

Dipper nods, "Yeah, I know. That's why I'm suggesting this. Six elements, six of you...Can't be a coincidence." He points out.

Twilight sighs, "Again, I'm not saying your wrong...but need I remind you I'm a wanted fugitive? If we had more time, maybe we could experiment and figure something out. But there's simply no time to bring in someone NEW to this. I trust you and Spike. I trust what WE build together."

Dipper was touched, "Wow Twilight...you really meant that?" He asked the slightly older mare. Twilight smiled and hugged the younger Colt, "You know it."

Neither saw it..but for a brief moment, a SIXTH element appeared among the other five...

Fortunately, a recorder would show Dipper this later...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


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